Coming out

John
I came out at first to someone on the internet who I didn't know personally. I found it was good to actually talk about what went on in my head for the first time.

After a few months, I told some close friends and liaised with other gay and lesbian people. When other people in my school, who'd had their suspicions for a while, cottoned onto my new social life, I decided to "go public". This had mixed reactions and I've taken some stick, but for me, the boost in my self-steem and the feeling of freedom was great.

However, when I told my family, I didn't really listen to them, and let my freedom get the better of me, and this caused tension between us. My advice for gay, lesbian and bisexual people coming out to their family would be to make sure you are clear with them, let them get used to it and give them time. I think it's important not to hide anything, but be careful - remember you have the rest of your life to enjoy yourself.

Patrick
I came out to my Mom in November 2003. It was my first time at X2Y Base 25. That night i asked my best friend if I should come out to my Mom. She said, 'yes!' and it would make it easier for me to attend Base 25. That night I went home with my best friend and she asked me if I was still going to tell her, I said yes! I told my Mom that I had somthing to tell her, and she said ok! I told her I was gay and she said ok and had a little heart to heart. And she told me, well, its ok with me, I will always love you no matter what.

Telling my mom was the best decision I ever made because I can tell her anything and she will be honest. When I came out to my mum I told her I was being bullied and it all came out. She was mad at me being bullied so she went to school and got it sorted for me!

Jeff
'Coming out' can be one of the most exciting, worrying, stressful, happy, emotional times of your life. It can be hard work and risky, but coming out is the most 'liberating' thing you can do for yourself.

We all go through that 'crazy head' stage when we start to wonder if we are really gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered or transsexual, all the questions, worry and thoughts running round in your head. I remember it well, and it isn't a nice place to be, I call it the 'crazy head' stage because that's how it was, and the only way to describe how it felt, waking up every morning still not sure if your into boys or girls.

The experiment stage can be quite fun, but you have to get there, you have to get from the 'crazy head' stage to.......... and say "OK!" You feel you need to justify it to yourself when really you have no need to do so.

Luckily most of us get there in the end and manage to find the few encounters that help us to start and clear out the 'crazy head'.

I'm glad to hear that more and more young people are getting over that stage more quickly, and far more pain free than say a few years ago.

Being gay is part of your life, it's part of your personality and guides your life more than you can imagine whether you follow the life on the gay scene or not.

Jeff 2
I found 'coming out' to my family and friends a stressful and emotional time, but I knew no matter how long it took, it would be worth it once I got there.

I remember waking up on the first morning I actually knew I was gay, I had a little lump in my tummy and it had changed from fear to excitement. All of a sudden I wanted to live my life, I wanted to get out there and find the guy of my dreams.

Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of, or worried about, you don't have to go to marches and fight for equal rights, but you shouldn't hide your sexuality from anyone either.

By 'coming out', I knew that I was not only letting people know that I am happy with my sexuality, but I was proving to myself that it's ok to be 'out' and gay, to live my life as I wish, and that I don't have to hide from anyone any longer.

The day I came 'out' to my mum, that feeling like I had the lump in my tummy came back, just for a short time, until I thought about the right way to tell her, but as soon as I told her that feeling went. My mum replied, "Don't worry darling, we'll still love you no matter what", and she asked why I never told her sooner. I then started telling the rest of my family, starting with my dad, sister and brother-in-law. Again, worrying about their response but the tummy feeling wasn't there, so I guess I was only really worried about telling my mum.

Over the past two and a half years I have found out who my true friends are and who are not. Out of a wide range of friends I can say I have at the most six friends out of the group from when I was younger that still talk to me since finding out I'm gay. But, I look at it like this - the straight friends who don't talk to me, well, I have found better gay friends that I know won't let me down.

I was just 17 when I came 'out' and yeah, looking back there are things I would change but as I was told when I came 'out', and I would say this to anyone younger than me who is concerned about 'coming out' - 'Coming out' is the start of the rest of your life, it's the start of a new beginning, of a happy and exciting life that in the end will lead to happiness.

Jeff 3
Coming out is something you will be doing for the rest of your life, you start with the first person you tell and you carry on through life. When you move house, change job, meet new friends and so on.

Once you have initially 'come out' it does get better, you work methods of dropping it in to conversation without even opening your mouth. You can say 'it' with a proud look on your face, without mumbling it and confusing your words and the best bit is you stop shaking!!

Everyone is different! Everyone has had different experiences of 'coming out', some stories are funny or happy, others are not, but you have to remember that coming out is something you should do for you.

Coming Out

West Midlands Lesbian & Gay Switchboard
P.O. BOX 3626
Birmingham
B5 4LG

Tel: 0121 622 6589
www.switchboardwm.org.uk/

Base25
Castle House
Wheelers Fold
Wolverhampton
WV1 1ST
www.base25.info

FFLAG
A support network for friends and family of lesbians and gay men

www.fflag.org.uk

Birmingham Parents' Support Group
for the Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gay men.
www.birminghamparentssupportgroup.co.uk